Monday Morning Coffee: While the Cat's Away Edition

KAKA! (Photo by Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such blog posts as "The One Where I Really Pissed Off Those Dayton Fans." I also moonlight as a lounge singer for Rock Band parties. You haven't lived until you've heard my version of Mr. Roboto.

ANYWAY, I'll be your guest link-dumper for this week, as the Admiral has returned to his home state to give the Huskers a primer on what to expect as they make the transition to the Big 11. (In brief: bigger beers, bigger women, Bigger 10.)

Kelly Kapowski had a baby girl. Who's the daddy, you ask? Well, if the kid has a two-toned bowl cut, it's Zack. If she's rocking a curly mullet, it's Slater. If she already has a pet robot, then it's Screech.

Wimbledon started today, but, unless she's going to be there, I don't much care.

Manute Bol passed away over the weekend. I hope that death-in-threes thing doesn't apply to NBA big men. I don't know what I'd do without Gheorghe Muresan in my life.

Graeme McDowell won the U.S. Open, shooting even par over the four-day tournament. Am I reading that right? A European hasn't won the U.S. Open in FORTY years? Didn't they invent this game?

Also: if I hear "par is a great score at the U.S. Open" one more time, I'm going to barf. It's one thing to have a course that challenges the players, but it's another thing to have a course that's not fair. That course, in those conditions, was not fair. Oh, but you say, isn't it interesting to watch the best players in the world have to scramble to make par, like the rest of us schmucks do on a muni course? No. No, it's not. I don't watch professional golf to see people doing things that I can do (i.e., hacking the crap out of the course). It's the same reason I don't watch the WNBA.

Marquette-Related Links (Sort Of)

There's not much going on for Marquette right now, and you've no doubt already seen the little that is going on, but, just in case you haven't:

  • Coach Buzz's third-annual barbeque takes place this Wednesday, June 23, behind Raynor Library on Marquette's campus. Ribs and revelry at 5:00 p.m. We'll have a couple operatives on hand, just in case Coach Buzz breaks some news.
  • Vander Blue made the roster of Team U.S.A.'s U18 squad. He was in midseason form with his quotes to the press, too: "It’s a blessing. It’s all God’s will," he told usabasketball.com.
  • Lazar Hayward continues to prepare for the upcoming NBA draft. Chad Ford has 'Zar ranked No. 54 on his Top 100 list (if you don't have Insider, you'll have to take my word for it). I'm on record that I think 'Zar goes at 50 to the Mavericks. Mr. Kensington says 49 to the Spurs. Anybody else want in on that action?
  • Cracked Sidewalks notes that 'Zar has moved up to 38th on nbadraft.net, and would be the 31st Marquette player to lace 'em up in the Association.
  • I'm going to order my new MU license plates in the next week or so. I don't think I'm going to spring for the personalized plates, but, if I did, I'd go with "SMRMY." How 'bout you?

World Cup Check!

Since the Admiral has professed his deep-seated and completely illogical distaste for the world's biggest sporting event, I figured there was no better time than now to discuss the goings on in football.

  • Portugal dumptrucked North Korea 7-0 this morning. I went to get ready for work, it was 1-0. I came back, 4-0 ... and then the 'Guese scored three more goals. Anybody else wonder what the highlights for this match look like on the North Korea state-run television network? Do they just show the one shot-on-goal North Korea had in the first half, and then run static?
  • France continued to find new and marvelous ways to **** the bed, as the players refused to train on Sunday in protest of ... something. Apparently somebody was "expelled" from the team. I love the use of the ten cent word there. Dude got cut. And the players didn't refuse to train; they didn't practice.
  • The best part of Team France's hissy fit? The Worldwide Leader had a French journalist from L'Equipe on to discuss the mutiny. Bob Ley asks why Nicolas Anelka was cut from the French team. The chap from L'Equipe says that Anelka told the French coach: "Go to **** yourself, you son of a bitch." 'Cept he didn't use asterisks; he dropped the bomb on Ley, baby. Awesome.
  • England were thinking about staging their own coup, but decided better of it when they saw what happened to the French. According to the story, English player John Terry was prepared to "air a string of grievances" he had with England's coach, but, alas, it didn't happen. No word on whether the English participated in the feats of strength.
  • Brazil advanced out of group play with a 3-1 walk in the park over Ivory Coast. But Kaka made a boo boo, drawing two yellow cards (the last one on one of the more ludicrous flops in the tournament). Kaka now has to sit against Portugal, but Brazil's into the knockout round, so: whatever.
  • Italy and New Zealand played to a 1-1 draw, which was a remarkable accomplishment for the Kiwis and a remarkable face-planting for the Azzurri. If you're like me (and God help you if you are), seeing New Zealand in the World Cup made you wonder: how would Murray Hewitt manage this squad?
  • Also: I noticed that Italy has a player named Pepe. Pepe was my name in high school Spanish class, and, like me, Italy's Pepe appears to be bald. FPMKE, if you've managed to find a way to read the blog from a quaint Tuscan villa, can you find me a Pepe Italy jersey? I will compensate you handsomely for it -- American dollars, weasels, Euro, drachma. Your pick.

The Admiral didn't leave me any notes on how to run this thing, other than to say: end with a video. Unlike the Admiral, I'm a man of simple music tastes, so I won't link you to some emo band from Des Moines. It's hot today. It's muggy. It's ... the Summertime.

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