While some people think that the Wisconsin Badgers are THE team for the state of Wisconsin, others can look past this declaration of supremacy and single out the sole reason for their success.
Only at the Kohl Hole, will one encounter the elusive Sterling brand Basketball, which is ironic considering the ties Wisconsin has to Communism. You would think they would demand equality and choose the common basketball used by many schools, the Nike branded version. But no. Sterling it is.
Affectionately know as "The Bo Ryan" ball ( or Bo Ryan's Ball(s)) , this one of a kind basketball will be present at every Badger home game, and other teams will have to suck it up.
Real quick, a quick rundown of the basketballs used by many programs from the biggest conferences in the nation, Nike: 46
The Rock: 9
The Magical Sterling Ball: 1 team (GUESS WHO. psst, its Wisconsin!)
While this may seem like a small thing to point out, let us look at Wisconsin's home record. 135-11. Yes, unfortunately the numbers are not flipped around. Consequently, this record is not a result of the basketball team's talent, but rather due to the use of the Sterling basketball. Yes, ladies and gentleman, it is a tool of magical prowess, soon to be analyzed after the leap.
Right, so The Rodents's record can be really attributed to the ball they use at court. Bo Ryan's balls have innate magical properties, imbued in them by the Olde Vampire himself to ensure his team's victory even in contests they should flat out lose. What are some of the effects this ball has? Well, strangely enough, it somehow only sticks to Wisconsin players hands, preventing them from turning it over very rarely at their home court (its a fluke when they turn it over rarely at away/neutral sites, call it residual magic or whatever). Additionally, especially this year, it has given their players the unnatural ability to make three pointers, causing the ball to soar through the air in curiously perfect arcs, kissing the net with flair. Crazy as it may sound, it is true. I would not lie to anyone, ever.
And, while it may seem like a bane to some teams, it is a boon for Wisconsin, known to have athletically challenged individuals who would not function in a normal game of college basketball. No, the Sterling basketball envelops the entire court in a time-dampening field, causing all players to execute plays and positions at an excruciatingly (and I mean excruciatingly) slow pace. The moment an opponent has the ball, they suffer the consequences, but since the Badger players excel at this grandfather pace, it works to their benefit.
So, there you have it. Take away Bo Ryan's balls (basketballs people. Basketballs) and the Wisconsin basketball team is nothing more than a bunch of...uninteresting, strangely non-diverse men....+1 perpetually angry vampire.