9.12 Morning Coffee: Obligatory Edition

you know, not just the actors, but the crew, everyone. There must have been 200 people, each with a specific function, but all dedicated to a single purpose. It was like a village or like a living thing.

And, you know, I’m talking to the director, and he says, “Why don’t you jump into the background?” I say, “Nah, wait a minute. Jump into the background of what exactly?” And he says, “Jump into the background of this scene. Walk through it. Walk through Cougar Town.”

Well, before I can react, this girl takes me by the hand, and she stands me behind this patio where Courtney Cox and the actors are doing their scene. And the girl says, “Now, when you hear ‘action,’ I want you to walk from here to there,” right? That’s when I really started to panic, Jeff, because if I’m a person that watches Cougar Town, how can I be in Cougar Town? You know, and the more I start thinking about it, the less any of it makes any sense at all. And I just want to turn and run, but it’s too late, because the director’s calling “action.”

So before I take my first step, I realize that I have to stop being someone who’s ever seen the show and become a character on the show. Become a man from Cougar Town — you know, someone born there, someone whose name, I decide, is Chad.

And I take my first step, as a child might, learning to walk as Chad. And with each step, it becomes easier. And with each step, I start remembering things from Chad’s life, like his first kiss under the big tree at Cougar Town field; playing soccer at Cougar Town Junior High; finding my first chest hair in the shower; my first apartment; my first true love, falling for my best friend; birthdays; weddings; car crashes; taxes; playing charades at Thanksgiving.

Chad had lived, Jeff. You know, Chad had lived more than Abed.

And then they called “cut,” and the scene was over. But I wasn’t ready to stop being Chad, so I said to the director, “Can we have one more take?” But they were already moving on. Courtney had nailed it. My lips started trembling, and my… my hands and my feet went numb. My… my knees buckled, and as I fell to the floor…

I pooped my pants. I did.

Because the truth is, Jeff, I had been Chad, and Chad was dead. But as Abed, I was still alive, so someone helped me up. And the wardrobe lady came over. She gave me new pants. I thanked everyone, I apologized, and then I just got on a bus and went straight to the airport.

Oregon State lost to Sacramento State who lost to Southern Utah by a score of 35-14 on Saturday.
UNLV lost to Washington State (and their backup QB) 59-7. That marks WSU’s fourth win over a FBS team in Paul Wulff’s four seasons.