FACE/OFF: Tom Crean vs. Bo Ryan: An Appreciation

Tonight brings my favorite non-Marquette related game of the college basketball season: the annual matchup between former Marquette coach and current world leader in unwarranted smugness, Smarmy Tom Crean, and his Indiana Hoosiers and the undead scourge of up-tempo-loving basketball fans everywhere, Bo Ryan, and his Wisconsin Badgers.

If you've followed Anonymous Eagle for any appreciable amount of time, you know that I hold Coach Crean and Coach Ryan in unparalleled esteem. If you said to me: "Rubie, you can have dinner with any four people in the world," Coach Crean and Coach Ryan would be my third and fourth selections (after Burt Reynolds, of course).

The fact of the matter is: for all the grief I give STC and Bo, these two titans are the best face-makers in college basketball -- from hysterical reactions to foul calls to hysterical reactions to non-foul calls, Coach Crean and Coach Ryan are facial contortionists without equal.

Don't believe me? Let's go to the tape and check it out:

(Relatedly: the Burr'd Face doubles as "We Broke 30 Before Halftime in a B1G Conference Game? BU- WHA- HUH?" Face.)

After the jump: more fun with facial tics.

(You're probably thinking that Bo wins the BM Face matchup easily, but before you make up your mind, remember: that is the face Tom Crean made after his team hit a last-second three-pointer to beat No. 1 Kentucky earlier this season. It was probably the greatest moment in Indiana basketball in the last five years, and it's probably the biggest feather in Crean's coaching cap since Marquette seal-clubbed UConn in MU's first season in the Big East -- and yet that is the face Crean made, the one that says: "I should NOT have gone to that Thai place in the strip mall for lunch." He is a national treasure.)

(A contrast in styles here: Crean goes with a variation of the John McEnroe "You Cannot Be Serious" Face, while Bo opts for a more menacing look that says: "You have displeased me, and for this transgression, I will unleash my army of zombies on your goat herd.")

(Hide the children.)

(Each of these men has a look that is his trademark, his Ferrari or Blue Steel or Le Tigre. For Bo, it's this deranged, tongue-flapping-out-of-the-mouth face that says: "I have not slaked my bloodthirst in three days' time. I have come to kill and feed on your kittens, and there is nothing you can do to stop me." But I'll be damned if Crean doesn't do a pretty good impression -- though, to be fair to Bo, Crean looks more like an out-of-breath Labrador than he does a thirsty vampire.)

(Good try, Bo, but this one is Tommy's baby. He flashes this look at you, and the next thing you know, you're driving away in that '02 Toyota Camry with GREAT GAS MILEAGE and POWER WINDOWS and the spotty audio system, but c'mon, you're buying this beaut to DRIVE IT, not to listen to your Creed CDs, amirite? And for only $4000? MAN, you're taking advantage of ME here!)

So: who ya got?