4.9 Morning Coffee: Pinch Hitting Edition

TELL ME YOUR SECRETS, FEZ.

Before we get to your weekly helping of nonsense and whimsy, give me a minute to address something that's actually important:

I'm handling the Coffee this week because Dan (better known to you as the Admiral, but I think he'll forgive me if I dispense with the anonymity this one time) is back in Nebraska. Late last week, Dan's mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor -- it appears to be benign, thank God, but Dan's mom needs to have a couple of operations, and Dan's gone back to stay with her and his family. The first surgery -- to cut off the blood supply to the tumor -- was a success, and today the doctors are going to begin the process of removing it.

Hence: a brief request from me: if you get a free moment today, send some positive energy towards Omaha. If you're the praying kind, please send one up for Dan's mom and Dan's family. If you're not, well wishes, good vibrations, and happy thoughts would be much appreciated, as well. Thanks.

Onto buisness:

If you didn't like Community last week -- a Ken Burns-style documentary of a pillow fight -- then I'm afraid we can't be friends. In fact, we might be mortal enemies.

The one of Mike from Monsters, Inc. was pretty good. The rest: meh.

Real recognize real: The Masters edition.

Dannnnnnnng: who ate Betty Draper?

I don't blame you, kids: I saw Donnie Darko. I'd be freaked out too, yo.

Looks like the folks that run Twitter got sick of the "WORK FROM HOME, MAKE $8000 PER HOUR" tweets too. We'll miss you most of all, Pr0n Bots.

Can I get a ruling on Anne Hathaway? Personally, I don't see it: saw Love and Other Drugs, and saw a LOT of Anne Hathaway. And it wasn't bad, but there's something about the face, you know? I think it's the really really big eyes and really really big mouth on the really really tiny face. Freaks me out. Let me know if I'm wrong.

This nice kid? The one who was in the soccer movie where she played a girl pretending to be a boy? Well, that's disappointing. The lesson, as always: taking a taxi (or hell, even a limo) is much, much cheaper than the DUI in the long run.

This upsets me. Freaking Fez.

Enough pop culture for this week; I need to talk about Bobby Petrino for a second. SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP: was that a story that mushroomed into insanity or what? Every time I looked up, things got worse: first dude had lied about being alone on the bike when he wrecked. Then it turns out his passenger was a 25-year-old bombshell ex-volleyball player. THEN -- to the surprise of no one -- it turns out they had an "inappropriate relationship." Then it turns out the bombshell was engaged to be married. THEN it turns out Bobby had hired the bombshell to work in the athletic department a couple weeks before. Good God, man: you don't need to kill your marriage AND get yourself fired AND subject your employer to a doozy of a lawsuit in the same week. Take 'em one at a time.

Marquette Basketball Links:

Random Music Video: It's April from Parks & Rec! ... Wait, what is April from Parks & Rec doing?


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