By now, you've probably already seen the "Bad College Basketball Jobs" article written by ESPN's Myron Medcalf. I'd take the time to dismantle it lying sentence by lying sentence, but Paint Touches already beat me to it.
Instead, I'd like to give you guys a treat. A little birdie has provided me with a list of things that Medcalf actually did manage to edit out of his first draft, and now, I pass that list on to you.
- "I mean, Marquette has never even managed to beat their crosstown rivals, UW-Milwaukee!"
- "Can we really trust a Jesuit university that just hired a non-Jesuit as their new president?"
- "Marquette great and current radio analyst Jim McIlvaine is actually three costumed beavers and a pair of stilts."
- "Doc Rivers: Not actually a doctor of any kind."
- "I can't believe that Marquette refuses to allow their games to be televised, even on the off chance they actually make the NCAA tournament."
- "Everyone knows Marquette is worse than La Salle."
- "Dwyane Wade has LeBron James and Chris Bosh under some sort of psychotheraputic hypnosis, and he learned how to do that from one of his undergraduate psychology classes at Marquette."
- "I'd rather use this space to talk about how great Bo Ryan and Wisconsin are, but my bosses want a negative article and said I have to include a Big East team so we can take cheap shots at Fox Sports 1, even if they're not true."
- "I'm just going to say it: Steve Wojciechowski is an elaborate android that Mike Krzyzewski built in 1992 and then planted with a Maryland family. That's why he looks like he's barely aged a day."
- "Dwyane Wade's name *IS* actually spelled D-W-A-Y-N-E, but the marketing department figured they could get a little extra mileage out of being able to correct people on a regular basis."
- "Chris Otule is the real life Deathlok."