You might remember that about a month ago, our formerly fearless leader and perpetual Nattering Nabob of Negativity, Rubie Q, took his talents to the nursery. The post was too long for me to read front to back, but from the little bit that I skimmed, I gathered the following: something something twins something something busy babies diapers something something lazy something something sabbatical.

Anyway, Rubie's sabbatical started January 6, 2012.

Then, about a week later, this happened:

Danny Pudi, as you probably know, is one of the most famous Marquette basketball fans alive, in addition to being the funniest half-Polish, half-Indian actor in the history of Hollywood. He's also on Community, which doesn't really have much to do with this story, other than giving me an excuse to link to this gif of Alison Brie running.

With the news of the birth of the Babies Pudi, a couple of enterprising amateur Columbos tried to connect the dots:

• Rubie takes a break from the blog on January 6 because his wife is having twins.
  
• Rubie is a Marquette basketball fan.
• Rubie's name isn't actually Rubie.
• Danny Pudi's wife gives birth to twins on January 12.
• DANNY PUDI IS A MARQUETTE BASKETBALL FAN, TOO.

The whispers started soon after, gained some steam, and then finally reached a fever pitch: Could it be that the man behind the Rubie Q curtain is actually mega-superstar Danny Pudi?

We mobilized the Anonymous Eagle Bureau of Nonsensical Investigations to get to the bottom of things.

After the jump, the investigation continues: is Rubie Q actually Danny Pudi?

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During Saturday's game against Villanova, Marquette sophomore forward Davante Gardner made a move to the basket and ended up in an unmoving heap on the floor. No foul was called. At the next stoppage of play, an official's time out was called to repair the net because Gardner and his defender's hands got tangled up in the net and tore the net in the process. When play resumed, Gardner was still in the game.

Now, I saw multiple people on Twitter say that they saw Ox's knee buckle as he went down. I didn't see it, but it's worth pointing out that even Davante himself mentioned his knee on Twitter. Furthermore, at least one person saw Gardner on crutches around campus on Monday.

This was enough to launch the Anonymous Eagle Bureau of Nonsensical Investigations into action.

I can now confirm that the following quote was the first thing that someone directly said to the AEBNI team and therefore must be reasonably close to the truth:

"My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw him pass out at Kopp's [Sunday night]. I guess it's pretty serious."

The AEBNI tells me that they were unable to track down a single other person who was able to corroborate this story in any fashion, including one person who said that it would be impossible for Gardner to even be at Kopp's because he's lactose intolerant.

If you'll join us after the jump, we'll go over the other things that the Nonsensical Investigations team was able to find out but unable to find anyone to confirm.

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Tonight brings my favorite non-Marquette related game of the college basketball season: the annual matchup between former Marquette coach and current world leader in unwarranted smugness, Smarmy Tom Crean, and his Indiana Hoosiers and the undead scourge of up-tempo-loving basketball fans everywhere, Bo Ryan, and his Wisconsin Badgers.

If you've followed Anonymous Eagle for any appreciable amount of time, you know that I hold Coach Crean and Coach Ryan in unparalleled esteem. If you said to me: "Rubie, you can have dinner with any four people in the world," Coach Crean and Coach Ryan would be my third and fourth selections (after Burt Reynolds, of course).

The fact of the matter is: for all the grief I give STC and Bo, these two titans are the best face-makers in college basketball -- from hysterical reactions to foul calls to hysterical reactions to non-foul calls, Coach Crean and Coach Ryan are facial contortionists without equal.

Don't believe me? Let's go to the tape and check it out:

(Relatedly: the Burr'd Face doubles as "We Broke 30 Before Halftime in a B1G Conference Game? BU- WHA- HUH?" Face.)

After the jump: more fun with facial tics.

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Approximately one-third of the 2012 Big East season in the books, and very, very little has been made clear about this league. Syracuse is clearly the cream of the crop, that much we know for sure. Or at least we think we know it at this point. (I, for one, never rule out the possibility of an inexplicable Syracuse tailspin.) But beyond that no one can make heads of tails of where each team stands. There is a technical term for this particular set of circumstances, and I believe it rhymes with "bluster puck".

Things are so convoluted, that no one can even agree as to who is the second best team in the league. So today we are going to take a minute, to sift through the wreckage of the early part of the Big East season and see if we can't determine who should be the team to hold the title of "Second Best Team in the League."

Conventional wisdom would say that Connecticut is the first runner up to 'Cuse at this stage of the game. The Huskies are the defending national champs, ranked #16 in the nation, and are one of a host of BE teams currently sitting with just 2 losses. But after going 0 for New Jersey, with losses at both Seton Hall and Rutgers, we are reluctant to hand that mantle over to UConn just yet.

We are fairly certain that there are a few teams that cannot be considered here:

• Pitt for being 0-5 in conference and losing at home to Wagner, despite being picked to finish 4th in the league and having the preseason player of the year.
• DePaul, because they're DePaul.
• Rutgers. Even though the Scarlet Knights took down the defending national champs and Pittsburgh (which seems less surprising now than it did at the time), we're just not ready to live in a world where Rutgers is the second best team in any league, let alone the Big East.
• Villanova. Seriously, WTF 'Nova? The Wildcats have just one win in conference and that win came against DePaul, which doesn't even count because everyone beats DePaul (Except apparently Pitt this year).
  

Everyone else is in the running. So who makes the best case?

Continue reading this post »

As you no doubt already know, in the waning minutes of Sunday's down-to-the-wire win over Villanova, a controversy the likes of which we've never seen erupted when Marquette guard Vander Blue, after missing a couple of free throws and being subbed out for Todd Mayo, refused to give a slap of five to backup point guard Derrick Wilson, who heartbreakingly left his hand extended for a few seconds before realizing that Van wasn't going to give him dap.

The exchange revealed issues in the locker room that few knew existed, and now those issues have been exposed to the world at large, thanks to the nosy Nellies at ESPN's SportsNation program. Just when we thought this unfortunate scandal might be over, Michelle Beadle and what appears to be an anthropomorphic donkey ripped the band-aid off the wound. As part of their daily WORST THING IN THE HISTORY OF THINGS segment, Beadle and Burro wondered: what does Van's dap-spurning say about the Marquette team specifically, and the demise of western civilization in general?

Below is a screen grab from yesterday's program:

Of course, as you'd expect, Marquette was in full-on scramble mode after ESPN's hard-hitting expose, with Blue releasing this terse statement through his people soon after the segment aired:

@Mr_Bicenten is my brother...I did not intentionally try not to shake is hand when I was subbed out...very immature on my part!! Hes my boy!

And Wilson toed the company line as well, though it was readily apparent he was still devastated:

@VanderBlue2 is my brother I know he did not intentionally do that he's a great human being And That's why he's still my right hand man

Much as we'd like it to, this issue isn't going away, folks. Stay tuned to Anonymous Eagle, your Worldwide Leader on the Worldwide Leader of Nonsense, for updates.

When, in the course of human events, one of our countrymen does something courageous and noble and worthy of note, I feel it is our duty to honor that Great American in our own small way.

Today, we salute YOU, Scott Wolf.

(No. Not that one. Although that Scott Wolf's turn as Bailey in Party of Five was certainly inspirational, especially for those of us who struggled to run a family restaurant at age 14 while fighting alcoholism in the midst of a post-apocalyptic dystopia in which humans are grown to serve as fuel for sentient robots that have taken over the planet.*

* In the interest of full disclosure: I never watched the show (I was a Dawson's Creek guy, m'self), so it's entirely possible that I'm confusing some of the plot points.

And before I end my tangent: holy hell, is Scott Wolf the "one of these things doesn't belong" on the Po5 cast list, or what? Neve Campbell, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jack from LOST, that one kid who was in Mean Girls, even the guy who played T.S. in Mallrats -- and then there's Scott Wolf, "who would star in the movie Go" and used to party with Charlie Sheen. I mean: ouch, babe.

And don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of Go. I think it's terrifically underrated, and I'm heartbroken that the guy who played Simon has been reduced to bit parts in something called No Man's Land: The Rise of Reeker. But do you think Jay Mohr's epitaph is going to read: starred in the movie Go, opposite Scott Wolf? I'm just sayin'.)

ANYWAY:

The Scott Wolf we're concerned with today is the USC beat reporter and Associated Press college basketball poll voter for the L.A. Daily News. You see, Mr. Wolf has mixed himself an industrial-grade vat of blue-n-gold Kool Aid, and he's helping himself to seconds and thirds.

1. Syracuse
2. Marquette
3. Louisville
4. Kentucky
5. Ohio State
6. Connecticut
7. Duke
8. North Carolina
9. Wisconsin
10. Kansas

That, my friends, is the work of a Great American. Next time you're in Milwaukee, Scott Wolf Who Wasn't in Party of Five, the first (four) round(s) of Jagermeister are on us. Cheers.

I awoke this morning to find in my inbox the latest edition of the MU Insider newsletter that the fine people at gomarquette.com prepare before every Marquette game. (Aside: if you haven't signed up for the newsletter yet, rectify that post haste.) And amidst the broadcast details, game notes, and other info about tonight's matchup with Washington, I discovered this rather alarming link tucked in the News and Notes section of the newsletter:

Oh no.

No no no no no no no.

You see what's happening here, don't you? A link in the MU Insider newsletter, on the heels of the Nonsense Extravaganza that is Badger Hate Week? They're trying to legitimize us, people. And if there's one thing I absolutely, positively will not stand for on this blog, it's being taken seriously. I DEMAND TO NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

I'm on to you, MU Insider. You can send all the rational-thinking type folk you want our way, but you'll NEVER take my gifs of Bo Ryan and Mike Wilkinson's ex-fiance doing the Arrested Development chicken dance. EVER.