Why We Hate ...
BADGER HATE WEEK: Who ya got?
It's been a long, fun week here at Anonymous Eagle. We've made fun of our least favorite college basketball program in every way we could conjure up in our twisted little brains. We've taken a look at history. We've looked at fashion. We've examined pop culture. We did a little investigatory reporting. We may have even dabbled in the absurd. We have utilized every medium at our disposal: the written word, audio, video and for those trying to make it through life with a state school education, we even broke it down in pictures. All of this in an effort to expand your knowledge about our distaste for the Red Menace and to get you ready for this weekend's game. This game that means more to some Marquette fans than any other game in the year (I have one friend that can't even discuss the game. All he can say is "I hate them so much"). Badger fans would have you believe this game ranks in importance just behind a mid-season hockey game against St. Cloud St, but anyone that's ever read the comments section on JSOnline knows better than that.
After a week of bluster and trash talk, here we are on the eve of the game. In less than 24 hours the boys are going to hit the hardwood and do what they do best. So for all of us here at Anonymous Eagle, is one last chance to do what we do best... run our mouths. It's put up or shut up time kids. Marquette against Wisconsin for one year's worth of inalienable rights to talk shit. So.... who ya got?
Mr. K's fearless prediction after the jump.
BADGER HATE WEEK: A Brief Dissertation On Hate
(Brewtown Andy sez: This was the very first thing I ever wrote for this blog. Rubie asked if I wanted to contribute something, and so I put this together and made a FanPost. Today, I repost it to mark the beginning of the 24 hour countdown to tipoff to this year's game against Wisconsin. Enjoy!)
So, Badger Hate Week, huh? Well, I'm not getting left out of this.
Growing up, I wanted to attend Marquette. Somehow, even as a child barely aware of the beauty and sanctity of college basketball, I subconsciously knew that wanting anything to do with the University of Wisconsin was a terrible idea. And now, in my 10th season as a Marquette men's basketball season ticket holder, it's profoundly obvious to me that Wisconsin is evil and must be destroyed.
Why, you ask? Where to start, where to start.... oh, I know. Paul Lukas is the editor of a very fun blog called Uni Watch, where he keeps track of trends in uniforms in various sports. If you type "wisconsin illinois uni watch" into a Google Image Search, it comes back with a picture from their 2003 matchup at Illinois. Go ahead and take a look, I'll wait.
[researches best firearms to use when hunting small woodland rodents]
Yep, when visiting a school who nicknamed their student section "Orange Krush," Wisconsin didn't bother asking if the Illini were planning on wearing their orange unis and everyone got stuck staring at THAT for 2 hours. THAT'S how evil Wisconsin is.
Let's move on to the backhanded compliment portion of our day. I'll admit Bo Ryan is one heck of a coach. That is, as long as he never leaves the state of Wisconsin. Apparently, when Bo gets too far away from his coffin, his mystical powers are diminished. By my math, he's a mediocre 79-69 (Brewtown Andy sez: 87-77 now) outside the state, while going 142-15 (Brewtown Andy sez: 157-15 now) in Wisconsin. I'd take a cheap shot at their non-conference scheduling here, but let's face it: Bo's ragtag bunch of Swinging Crewcuts lost to North Dakota State in that wretched hive of scum and villainy they refer to as the Kohl Center.
This brings us to the sad state of affairs that is the Wisconsin fanbase. There's no easy way to say this. They caused Detroit Lions QB Drew Stanton to engage in necrophilia this past weekend when he danced The Dougie after scoring a touchdown. How, you ask?
The American people were enjoying a perfectly good dance sensation when along comes Bucky Nation and in traditional self absorbed arrogant fashion, they just HAD to make it all about themselves. And now poor Drew Stanton is guilty of violating The Dougie's corpse, and all because the Buckys KILLED it before he even had a chance. You would have thought that they would have learned their lesson after what Bo did to Soulja Boy.
Look. I'm not going to say this is going to be fun. I'm not going to try and tell you that it's going to be easy. If what I've shown you here today isn't enough to prove the point, then go ahead and find a Wisconsin message board and go read for yourself. I'd provide examples, but the American Medical Association and 5 out of 5 dentists (Wisconsin doesn't have a dental school, so dentists hate them) agree that no one should be exposed to that kind of deluded insanity for that length of time. But the fact of the matter is that Wisconsin is evil and must be destroyed.
Brewtown Andy was voted "Most Likely To Tell A Badger To Go Die In A Fire" in high school. He can be found on Twitter as @brewtownandy.
BADGER HATE WEEK: Badger Downfall
[Rubie sez: I know most all of you have probably seen the Badger Downfall already this week, but this is AE's Mona Lisa, so I feel compelled to run it again.]
2 comments
|
1 recs |
Tweet
BADGER HATE WEEK: I Made You A Gift. It's A Gif.
You got your big BHW present yesterday, kids, since it took me far, far too long to download and decipher Bucky Badger's iMessages and prolonged Mrs. Q's Badger Hate Week Widowdom by about twelve hours. But I've got one more treat for you.
But first, two questions:
Do you like Arrested Development (the television show, not the band, as if that even needed to be said)?
Do you enjoy Bo Ryan's sideline histrionics?
If so: jump with me.
15 comments
|
2 recs |
Tweet
BADGER HATE WEEK: Fun Facts About BADgers!
The scientific name for the American badger is Taxidea taxus. The American badger is the second-biggest weasel in the country, trailing the wolverine by a considerable margin.
Male badgers are typically larger than female badgers, but both the male and female badgers are easily recognized by their distinctive head markings and large claws.
Badgers have a reputation for being aggressive, ferocious fighters, but that's more myth than fact. Truth is, badgers are actually quite timid and will flee when threatened by a predator.
Badgers don't have very many threats in the wild, but there are reports of predation on badgers by coyotes, cougars, bobcats -- and golden eagles.
You've probably heard stories about badgers doing battle with poisonous snakes, cited as proof that badgers are courageous creatures. Don't be deceived. Fighting an animal that can kill you with one well-placed nip shows that badgers are dimwitted, not brave.
In rare instances, a psychologically-stressed badger will attack its own young. It's very unfortunate, but it's common to most rodents: when times get tough, they turn on their own.
Badgers don't wear shoes, for obvious reasons.
Badgers, as you probably know, dig for much of their food, and they're known to store their treats in burrows to make sure other animals don't find them.
BADGER HATE WEEK: Bucky: The Pantsless Menace
Bucky Badger: Friendly Pantsless Weasel ... or TOO Friendly Pantsless Weasel?
Brewtown Andy, who was recently promoted to Chief Investigator of the recently-created Anonymous Eagle Bureau of Nonsensical Investigations, uncovered this video of the perpetually pantsless Bucky Badger Facebook stalking Arizona's Wilma Wildcat ...
ON COMPANY TIME.
This, obviously, led us to wonder: what else is Bucky doing on UW-Madison's dime?
Because Bucky is an employee of a public university, the AEBNI sent a Freedom of Information Act request for Bucky's cell phone records.*

Bucky continues to get his freak on, after the jump.
14 comments
|
2 recs |
Tweet
BADGER HATE WEEK: UW-Madison Basketball: A Timeline
[Rubie sez: thankfully, this post changed very little after last season.]
1492-1994: Known as the Dark Times, no records exist to document the sports history of UW-Madison during this era. In fact, no records exist regarding any sports played by any college teams.
1995: Days after watching a 15-hour exhibition of Greco-Roman wrestling, a wise man of leisure named Dick Bennett invents the game of "Basket Ball." His vision: throw up a ring on both ends of an expanse of hardwood and have ten gladiators slog, slug, and slam into each other for two hours -- and occasionally attempt to toss a ball through one of the rings. The game is soon embraced around the nation, but, in an inspired move, UW-Madison takes Bennett into its employ, instantly making itself the leading Basket Ball program in the country.
1995: The entire state of Wisconsin piles onto the Sam Okey bandwagon. (Fittingly, the bandwagon has blond highlights.) Okey is a late arrival for his freshman year at Madison because the sculptor commissioned to fashion Okey's bust for the College Basketball Hall of Fame -- located, of course, in Dick Bennett's garage -- gets lost on his way to Cassville, Wisconsin.
More fun with made-up facts, after the jump.
BADGER HATE WEEK: Behind The Music: The Boys Of Sigma Alpha Epsilon
11 comments
|
2 recs |
Tweet
Showing 1 - 8 of 15 Older

by 
by
by 










