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Why I Don't Give A Crap About Baseball Starting Today

Today marks the first day of the Major League Baseball season.  Three games on ESPN, three other games around the country. 


Sorry, everyone, but you're going to have to go enjoy it on your own.  I'm not going to be a part of it.  This isn't a snap decision by a long shot, I've thought long and hard about this.  I refuse to get excited about the start of the 2011 MLB season.  Let me explain why.

1) I'm a fan of the Chicago Cubs.  Okay, okay, get your jokes in. 

In seriousness, though, I don't have any idea how I'm expected to care about this team this year.  You can't even try to convince me that Mike Quade's stint running the team at the end of the year last season is supposed to give me hope.  That winning percentage over 37 games projects to 105 wins in a full season.  Not happening.  ESPECIALLY with chumps like Kosuke Fukudome and Alfonso Soriano in the lineup.  If you're going to blow it up and go young and rebuild, then GO ALL THE WAY WITH IT.

2) Even if I had any faith in my team to do anything, it's not like they have a shot at winning anything.  The defending champion San Francisco Giants are in the National League already.  And to make matters worse, Fat Joe and the Terror Squad are the starting rotation for the Philadelphia Phillies.  To review: The Phillies FOURTH starter has a World Series MVP Trophy.  Where's my throwin' towel?  I'm done here.

3) Luckily, I have other sports to distract me.  Most notably, I have a team that I cheer for getting ready to defend their title in the playoffs, which is WAY more interesting than the first day of a 162 day trip through a regular season.  The Chicago Blackhawks were forced to make hard salary cap decisions after winning the Stanley Cup last season and they're poised to make the playoffs again this season.  If the season ended today, the Blackhawks would get to play the Vancouver Canucks in the first round, a team they've eliminated from the playoffs each of the last two seasons, and that's a heck of a way to get another deep playoff run started.  AND! I'm actually going to the Blackhawks-Lightning game on Sunday!  Who cares about baseball when you've got a trip to the Madhouse on Madison planned?!

4) That's not the only sports distraction facing me.  With 8 games left in the regular season, my favorite NBA team, the Chicago Bulls, have a 2.5 game lead on the Boston Celtics for the best record in the Eastern Conference!  And with the Spurs putting it in reverse lately (sorry, Steve Novak), the Bulls still have a shot at the best record in the entire NBA!  HELLO, HOME COURT ADVANTAGE THROUGHOUT THE PLAYOFFS.  This should occupy me through mid-June without difficulty.

5) Let's combine the last 2 points into this point: Both the Blackhawks and the Bulls have MVP contenders on the team: Jonathan Toews and Derrick Rose.  I'm supposed to get excited about the development of Starlin Castro & Andrew Cashner when my favorite hockey & basketball teams have legitimate young superstars already?  PFFFFFFFT.

6) Fire Joe is still inactive.  Although Joe Morgan did actually get fired, so that's nice.

All in all, I just don't care that baseball is starting today.  Ultimately, I think that not paying attention to baseball this season will be no Tribble at all.