I'm Available For The SMU Job

This morning, CBSSports.com's Jeff Goodman reported that former Marquette head coach and current Saint Louis head coach Rick Majerus has rejected the interest of Southern Methodist athletic director Steve Orsini and will continue to coach the Billikens. This means that Majerus joins Marquette's Buzz Williams, Harvard's Tommy Amaker, and Long Beach State's Dan Monson in turning down the Mustangs. It's becoming rapidly apparent that a current head coach is not going to want to take a job that will turn into the worst job in the Big East after next season. Yes, even worse than DePaul.

Thus, I would like to let Steve Orsini know that I'm available and, unlike the other candidates that SMU has been looking at, willing to take the job.

However, I do have a list of demands. Hit the jump.

My demands are as follows:

1. A yearly salary of $2.7 million. You claim to manage to find an extra $2.1 million to jump from what Matt Doherty was making to $2.6 million to pay Buzz Williams, so you're gonna have to rummage up another $100K.
2. This house. Hey, I could get crazy with my housing demands, but you know this is a hell of a deal for you. Oh, and you're paying my moving costs.
3. A 2012 Cadillac Escalade Hybrid and lifetime DART passes for my family. I mean, come on, I'm not going to take some cheap car, but I'm going to save myself some money in gas. Besides, that house is within walking distance of campus anyway, so I'm only going to be using the car to take my kids to school. which reminds me.....
4. You're paying for private school for my kids. I'm sure the Highland Park school district is nice, but I'm not uprooting them to put them in public school.
5. This Salt Lick BBQ package once a month. If you're going to force me to live this far away from Salt Lick, you're going to have to bring it to me.
6. Mavericks, Stars, and Rangers season tickets, and good ones, too. And I want you to tell Jerry Jones that I don't want tickets for his stupid team to his face.
7. I want to know what it took to get Eric Dickerson to play football at SMU. In the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary, he just laughs and says he'll never say what it was. I DEMAND TO KNOW!
8. Ryan Gosling as assistant coach.
9. Karen Gillen as au pair.
10. A Star Wars Xbox 360. COME ON! Look how awesome that thing is!

Ok, that's all I can come up with for now. Anybody got any suggestions on what I should demand from Steve Orsini?