Hit 'em up:
Anonymous Eagle: OK, reassure me we know what we're doing with this Big Priest/Conference of God/Big East 2.0: The New Hotness conference. I'm mildly concerned we're going to wake up hungover in three years and DePaul's going to be in the bathroom using my toothbrush and Seton Hall's hair is going to be clogging the drain and we're gonna have a Bradley Cooper-like: "Jesus, what the hell did we DO last night?" moment.
Casual Hoya: Did you know Bradley Cooper transferred to Georgetown from Villanova? In many ways this makes him just as qualified to be the next Commissioner of The New Hotness Conference as anyone else is. AND HE'S SO DAMM HANDSOME. As far as waking up hungover three years from now, well, that really won't change anything from how you wake up every day, and you can come over to the Casual Compound to hang out with Heather Graham and her ample supply of headbands anytime you want and we can leave Seton Hall and DePaul on the roof when we go party. Relatedly, I really hope the next Hangover installment has the guys return to Vegas as the Bangkok thing with the monkey really didn't work for me. But to get to the crux of your question, yes, I think we know what we're doing and we just need a new TV deal to prove it.
AE: Are you on board with the schools that are being tossed around for the new conference -- Butler, Xavier, Creighton, Dayton? Anybody you'd ditch?
CH: Those schools are fine I guess. Since all of this has gone down I have been searching for The Sexy, you know, the one school that we can say "Hey everyone, we may have lost Syracuse and Pitt and all that, but look at us now! We've got _____!" Butler and Xavier help get to The Sexy, but we aren't quite there yet. Gonzaga would help The Sexy. Creighton and Dayton are fine. The Pretty, but not The Sexy. Memphis was The Sexy, which is interesting, because Mr. I'm Bringin' Sexy Back himself is from Memphis.
AE: Like clockwork, Georgetown's off to a great start in a season where big things weren't predicted by the pundits. Are you jerks ever worse than you're supposed to be?
CH: Yes. In March.
/lowers head to avoid tomatoes and rotten eggs being tossed at me from Hoyas fans.
AE: I'm looking at your roster and I don't see the 6'10" to 7'2" cat who's going to kill us in the post on Saturday. Please identify him by name, jersey number, and haircut. Thank you.
CH: THAT'S BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EXIST! For the first time since JT3 has been coach of Georgetown, the team does not have a large passing big man in the middle. It was supposed to be Nerlens Noel, but he decided to get paid for his talents in Lexington, as opposed to being forced to attend class at Georgetown. WHAT A DUMMY! Instead, you'll be forced to deal with four players 6'8'' or above.
AE: Georgetown didn't break 40 points in a win over Tennessee and only mustered 46 at home against Towson. Marquette managed 49 and 47 in losses to Florida and UW-Fracking-Green Bay, respectively. Please tell me that scoring under 50 points a game is the way the cool kids are playing basketball now.
CH: It is really thoughtful of the players, actually. How many times have you had an internal debate whether to raise an ice cold beer to your lips and break concentration from the game or to remain keenly focused on the match, at the expense of adequate hydration? Well sir, problem solved. Georgetown and Marquette now score so infrequently that you really have NO CHANCE of missing anything important. NO CHANCE. Thanks players!
AE: If I remember correctly, the story of the Hoyas' 2011-'12 season was the steady play of Jason Clark, the emergence of Henry Sims, and the late-game heroics of Hollis Thompson. What's been the story of the Hoyas' 2012-'13 season thus far?
CH: A woefully inconsistent band of youths with extraordinary length attempting to take defensive attention away from future NBA lottery pick Otto Porter. They play defense for 35 seconds but often go on dry spells on offense lasting for 5+ minutes. Potential is high; but some losses will be ugly.
AE: The best basketball team (single season) in the history of the Big East Conference was ________.
CH: The 1983-84 Georgetown Hoyas. 34-3 record, National Championship and future Hall of Fame and Top 100 NBA All-Time player in Patrick Ewing. I would have said the 2004 UConn Huskies, due to the SIX first round picks on that team, but they didn't win the Big East that year. Ahhhh, sweet memories.
AE: RANK 'EM! John Thompson III, Richard III, Robert Griffin III, Jurassic Park III.
CH: Jurassic Park III netted more than $270 million at the box office so by dollars alone I'd put that atop the list, especially since it starred the guy who played Pollux Troy in Face/Off, the world's greatest most underrated movie EVER.. I'm a huge fan of the Jurassic series and got really giddy when I saw a preview for the original Jurassic Park coming out in 3D this spring, which will give me the chance to dust off the ol' Jurassic Park soundtrack to play in my discman. I'll go JTIII next on the list since RGIII hasn't been to a Final Four (yet), with Richard III rounding out the list as I really doubt he could hold a conversation about hoops.
AE: Related: if we could somehow convince John Thompson III to refer to himself in the third person as "the Third" (e.g., "'the Third's' gonna bring in the players who best fit 'the Third's' system"), would it be the greatest thing that's happened ever?
CH: Greatest thing ever? I don't know about that, but yes, it would be quite casual. Actually, now that I think about it, it would suck. I think that generally speaking, people who refer to themselves in the third person are blowhards and schmucks who only use the third person because they are too afraid of the harsh reality of their first and second persons. Then again, now that I think about it even further, it would be pretty awesome if JT3 started dropping "the Third" bombs like that, especially within his household like "the Third wants a diet coke with no ice!" or "the Third doesn't understand why Christina Aguilera is a judge on ‘The Voice'!", or "the Third needs new slippers to lounge around the house in and thinks that Jim Boeheim looks like Mr. Magoo! ", that sort of thing. And I'm sure it would help recruiting as a result.
AE: So I'm watching the Sandy Relief concert, and Bon Jovi comes on, and after I get done laughing at his Farrah Fawcett hairdo, I realized: dude writes a lot of songs about cowboys. "Wanted Dead or Alive," "Blaze of Glory" ... but he's from freaking Sayreville. What the hell? Is there a burgeoning dude ranching industry in the Garden State I'm not aware of?
CH: Even Bruce isn't immune to the ranch fantasy, and below is some spice from "Cadillac Ranch" which I chose just for you as it contains a reference to the State of Brats and Cheese and Ryan Braun:
Hey, little girlie in the blue jeans so tightDrivin' alone through the Wisconsin nightYou're my last love baby you're my last chanceDon't let 'em take me to the Cadillac Ranch
Bruce also has a song called "Outlaw Pete" which is a 9 minute long tale of wonderment that he actually puts on a cowboy hat at concerts when it makes the setlist.
Bruce shows are really quite something to witness live, which I highly suggest you do when you take a break from your polka trance out there. Back to Jovi for a second, I do not endorse the hair, but Living On A Prayer is "The Closer" at most weddings for a reason. It's a titanic hit, plus apparently Jovi has some sort of agreement with his wife where he gets to sleep around on the road and stuff which has to count for something.
AE: Who's the most loathsome Syracuse player of all time? I'm partial to Devendorf, but that's mostly because he spent his first trip to Milwaukee popping his jersey and making the "shhhhh" sign at the MU student section (which I later came to realize was less a taunt and probably more his way of saying: "I just punched a female usher on my way out of the locker room, please don't call the cops").
CH: Gotta agree with you on that one. Cheddar Bob was horrific. That delinquent celebrated every little meaningless accomplishment like he was going off to prison in a few hours. Now that I think about it, that is probably the best way for him to live his life.
An easily overlooked one is Jim Boeheim. This former Syracuse player has dedicated his entire career to helping players get away with crimes. (Rubie sez: This, amazingly enough, is not an exaggeration.) Along the way, he also teaches them how to suck in the NBA.