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The College Football Anarchist's Guide To Week 13

First, a note about John Swofford holding his wallet open. That's going to be more interesting than any of the games.

This Barrett chap seems to be playing well.
This Barrett chap seems to be playing well.
Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

A brief aside before we get to games: John Swofford, commissioner of the ACC and noted ESPN lapdog, is advocating for an eight team playoff before we even get through one round of the four team playoff.

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise, and for a couple of reasons, really.

  1. An eight team playoff, especially one with the first round hosted by teams 1-4, would mean a giant pile of money for the schools that get to host, not to mention another giant pile of money for all of the conferences involved due to TV money rolling in like it was Niagara Falls.
  2. Swofford runs a league that the committee is drastically underrating, given their insistence at keeping Florida State, the only undefeated Power Five conference team, out of the #1 slot.
  3. ESPN has the contract for the College Football Playoff, and, as Big East fans are well aware at this point, Swofford will do whatever ESPN tells him to do in order to make more money for himself and his conference, regardless of whether it's actually the best thing for college athletics or not.  In this case, it absolutely is the right thing to do, but all Swofford's reacting to is the theoretical paychecks that Bristol is mocking up for him.

Really, the only downside to the entire thing is that the playoff isn't being turned over to the control of the NCAA so Division 1 college football can hand out a real national championship trophy instead of the ridiculous fake garbage that they're handing out now.

Anyway, on to the games on Saturday.  Breaking news: They suck.  Set your favorite scoreboard app on your phone to update you on the score by quarter, and then don't actually watch any of these games unless there's a less than 10 point margin with 15 minutes to play.

As always, all times are Central and all lines are courtesy of Bovada.

#1 Alabama (9-1) vs Western Carolina (7-4)

When: 3pm on SEC Network
Line: Nope.
Chances Of Losing: Also nope.
Possible Chaos Level: Cthulhu level madness

Western Carolina lost to Presbyterian. Next.

#2 Oregon (9-1) vs Colorado (2-8)

When: 3:30pm on Pac-12 Networks
Line: Nope.
Chances Of Losing: Also nope.
Possible Chaos Level: Didja ever see that scene in Scanners where that dude's head blew up?

Points allowed by Colorado this season: 31, 38, 38, 21, 59, 36, 56, 40, 38, 38.  You know what?  Ignore what I said about not watching any of these games.  Watch this one, so you can tell your kids you watched Oregon throw 100 on Colorado.  The Buffs have the ninth highest points allowed average in the entire Bowl Subdivision.

#3 Florida State (10-0) vs Boston College (6-4)

When: 2:30pm on either ABC or ESPN2
Line: Florida State -17
Chances Of Losing: Not likely, but hey, better than anyone else.
Possible Chaos Level: All the #TalkinBoutTheNoles will cease at once.

Hey, look!  FSU is playing a team that's bowl eligible!  BEST GAME OF THE WEEK!

*sigh*

Lose, and FSU is finished in the playoff discussion.  Win, and they might actually fall to fourth somehow.

#4 Mississippi State (9-1) vs Vanderbilt (3-7)

When: 6:30pm on SEC Network
Line: Mississippi State -30
Chances Of Losing:
Nooooope.
Possible Chaos Level: Relative to these other games? Not a total disaster.

Let's put it this way: beating Vanderbilt wasn't enough to save Will Muschamp's job at Florida.  And now the Bulldogs are going to be fired up after suffering their first loss of the season? Welp.

#6 Ohio State (9-1) vs Indiana (3-7)

When: 11am on Big Ten Network
Line: Ohio State -35
Chances Of Losing: Yeah, right.
Possible Chaos Level: Not even the slightest bit

Aw, that's cute.  The Big Ten's pretending they have a chance to get into the playoff.  Even if the Buckeyes have a chance to sneak in somehow, they're not going to impress anyone by slaughtering Indiana.  Although.  If you want to get stupid about it, Indiana does have a win over the team that's currently leading the SEC East, so by the transitive property, a win over Indiana is like a win over Missouri.