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Dear Mr. Cords, Please Cancel Your Press Conference

I'm asking nicely. We all know you're not going to say anything that we can't already guess.

I figured this request would be better delivered with a smiling face to go along with it.
I figured this request would be better delivered with a smiling face to go along with it.
Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

Dear Mr. Cords,

I heard that you're going to have a press conference to discuss the search for a new head men's basketball coach today at 2pm. I'm writing this to very politely ask you to cancel that press conference.

The way I see it, there's really only a few ways that this thing is going to go.

1) You publicly denounce Jim Ganzer and Michael Cianciolo for reporting stories that were not properly fact checked and demand that they turn over their press credentials immediately.

As entertaining as this option might be, especially if you then light the credentials on fire and make s'mores for all of the other reporters, I don't think you're going to do that. I think that both men have experienced enough public humiliation for being wrong on Monday, and there's no reason to do any more harm to their self-esteems in front of a group of people. Well, maybe just Ganzer, because he's not apologizing like Cianciolo did.

2) You introduce the new head men's basketball coach.

Well, this one's out, because you and the athletic department have already sworn up one side and down the other that there will be no announcements at this press conference.

3) A complete and total public relations disaster takes place.

Look. We're all adults here. We've all seen athletic directors and general managers and team vice presidents and all sorts of leadership figures have a press conference amidst some kind of search of one kind or another. There is almost no information that is of any use to anyone that comes out of these things. I mean, what's going to happen when a reporter asks "So, how close were you to signing Shaka Smart on Monday?" You're not going to say, "Well, we agreed to the years, but not the money," or "Coach Smart demanded his own personal Jaeger, and we felt it wasn't in the university's best interest to pay for that." You're going to say something like "I can't discuss that at this time," or "No comment." In fact, those two sentences are going to be your answers to almost any question thrown up by any reporter. Here's a few other things you're probably going to say:

  • "Things are proceeding smoothly."
  • "We have a strong list of talented candidates in mind."
  • "Discussions are ongoing."
  • "We value Dr. Lovell's input."
  • "We're glad to have such a passionate fan base."

Stuff like that. We know that's what you're going to say. None of this is interesting or useful. Please don't hold this press conference and make everyone sit through these canned answers that don't tell anyone anything. If you feel that you have something that you need to say regarding the coaching search, then type it up, pass it around the office so people like Mike Broeker, Sarah Bobert, and Scott Kuykendall can take a look at it, proof it up a bit, and then just send it out as a press release. This way, no one has to go through the ridiculous clown show that this press conference is going to turn into very, very quickly.

We all went through a very ridiculous day on Monday. Please don't make us going through a very ridiculous day today as well.