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Ranking The Marquette Basketball Spoonerisms

Someone had to do this, and that person is me.

NCAA Basketball: 2K Classic--Marquette vs Pittsburgh
TFW you have the best spoonerism on the team
Vincent Carchietta-USA TODAY Sports

No fluffy intro. It’d just be pointless dribble that I’d use as filler to make myself feel like I write for Grantland or something anyways. Plus, you people gobble up spoonerisms like Matt Painter and Touch of Grey. You probably don’t deserve it anyway because I know for a fact you’re avoiding like 5 responsibilities right now. I’m sure you have your reasons.

Here are the official Marquette basketball spoonerism rankings:

12. Chaanif Heatham

For a last place finish, it’s nothing if not pronounceable. That’s a tough thing to do (SMH @ my parents for not realizing Snen Bider is a trash spoonerism).

11. Harkus Moward

10. Andsey Rowdrew

I’m decently sure that spoonerisms only apply to the first letters of the words, but they didn’t call me Ben “Doesn’t Apply the Rules of Spoonerisms” Snider in high school for nothing.

9. Sanim Acar

Same thing. Just take your content and quit whining.

8. Camal Jain

7. Mam Carotta

I’m imagining this as the intentional misspelling of Mark Twain’s passion project for a female superhero whose powers include oxidizing metals, Ma’am Corroder.

6. Ham Sauser

Sauser has some nickname potential.

5. Eke Ike

I really love how this is the only way to do his name. The simplicity is perfect to me.

4. Eg Grelliot

Eg. I repeat: EG.

3. Jeo Thon

She had dumps like a truck truck truck...

2. Frarry Holing

We can all agree that J.K. Rowling considered giving Harry Potter a brother named Frarry who just went and became an accountant or something, right?

1. Hatt Meldt

This is the purest form of spoonering. Taking two words and tweaking them around to create something new and beautiful. I feel like that point in Jurassic Park where Hammond watches a baby velociraptor hatch in the palm of his own hands.

SPECIAL BONUS COACHING STAFF SPOONERISMS

Weve Stojciechowski
Jan Stohnson
Nett Brelson
Cris Charrawell