On Wednesday night, YOUR #24 ranked Marquette Golden Eagles are hosting #12 Villanova at Fiserv Forum. As luck (?) would have it, Fox Sports has scheduled the game to start at 9pm Central time on FS1 following the conclusion of the United States men’s national soccer team’s World Cup qualifying match against Honduras.

Let’s be honest: 9pm on a Wednesday night is not the most spectacular time to start a basketball game. That even goes for college students, who are, largely speaking, notoriously bad at going to sleep at a normal hour.

Thankfully, your Marquette athletic department marketing team is ON IT, and perhaps because of the 9pm start or perhaps just because it’s perennial Big East favorite Villanova in the building, they have declared Wednesday night to be Student Appreciation Night.

What does that mean? Well, simply: There are prizes to be given away.

I don’t know about you, but when I see a group of potential prizes where some are clearly better than others, they have to be power ranked.

DISCLAIMER: That word “include” indicates that there are other prizes available, so these power rankings are merely of the nine things displayed/listed in the image above. If Marquette announces a new prize under that “include” banner later on, we will try to update the list.

#1 — LUNCH WITH HEAD COACH SHAKA SMART

I get a full hour to talk to Shaka Smart and the university is picking up the tab? Done, #1 with a bullet. Give me the chance to lace his drink with some truth serum, and there’s not even a point to doing these rankings.

#2 — MARQUETTE BRANDED NIKE SHOES

Right now, Andrei over at Paint Touches is screaming at me for not putting the shoes first on the list. He’s got a point, as I am incredibly vocal about begging Marquette and Nike to sell me Marquette branded shoes. Here’s the catch, actually two catches: First, they’re not guaranteed to be Jordan Brand shoes, just “Nike” and second, there’s no guarantee that I get to pick my size. MU is a Jordan Brand basketball team, and I would like the Jordan Brand shoes. I don’t care about Kevin Durant’s custom shoes with an MU logo and colorway. Jordans or GTFO. Plus, can you imagine turning up to collect your prize and you say “Yes, Size 12s, please,” and they tell you “11s and under only, sorry.” Now you have no prize.

#3 — $100 SHAKE SHACK GIFT CARD

Sure, it’s not crazy convenient to get from campus to the only Shake Shack location in the entire county. Whatever. $100 of free food is $100 of free food. Sold. $100 from Kopp’s would beat this out, though.

#4 — THE OFFICIAL UNIFORM SHORTS

Who doesn’t want a pair of Jordan Brand basketball shorts? And they’re the official uniform shorts that Marquette wears? C’mon, easy pick here.

QUICK SUB-POWER RANKING OF THE POSSIBLE COLOR SHORTS YOU MIGHT GET, EVEN THOUGH THE PICTURE INDICATES YOU GET THE NAVYS:

1. Gold
2. Championship Blue
3. Navy Blue
4. White
5. Black (and this is too high)

#5 — 2022-23 SEASON TICKETS

This one gets a slight clarification note. I am presuming that they mean student season tickets for next year because these are student prizes. I doubt they’re giving away a pair of regular season tickets for this, and I say a pair because who wants to win a prize of sitting by themselves for every home game next year? So, this is next year’s student tickets, and they go here for one notable reason: 25% of the undergraduate population doesn’t want to win this prize. 22-23 student season tickets are useless to someone who is graduating in May.

Unless you win them and you get to use them even after you graduate anyway. Then this would be above the Shake Shack gift card.

#6 — THE UNIFORM LOGO GOLD T-SHIRT

It’s a shirsey, who doesn’t like a shirsey?

#7 — THE SWEATPANTS

Or joggers, perhaps? I can’t tell from the picture. Even if they’re track pants, they still go here. The old timey gym logo on the leg is neat, but not neat enough to put them up higher than this.

#8 — THE BASKETBALL LOGO NAVY T-SHIRT

It’s a shirt. Neat, free shirt.

#9 — THE $10,000 HALFCOURT SHOT

I am interpreting “Chance at $10,000 Halfcourt Shot” on the graphic as “you 100% get to attempt the shot,” and not “you get a chance at getting to attempt the shot.” See the difference there? Chance is a nebulous word.

Anyway, this is last. You’re probably not making the shot. Halfcourt shots are hard. Yes, $10,000 is cool. If they were just handing out $10,000 as a prize, it’s obviously #1 (sorry, Coach) because everyone can use a free $10,000. But you have to throw a basketball through the rim from 47 feet away in front of 17,000 people in order to get the $10,000. I will take a guaranteed prize, even that navy shirt, over a what, one in 1,000 chance of connecting on the shot. No thank you, sir.