In case you haven't been paying attention for the past few months, you should probably know things have gotten a bit dicey on many a college campus lately. And in case you have been paying attention for the last half-century or so, you should probably know that the University of Wisconsin - Madison is a place well known for its love of a good protest. So if you're planning to enter this highly charged and volatile atmosphere this weekend, you're probably going to want to tread lightly. One misstep and you could find yourself spawning a whole new hashtag and incurring the wrath of Badger fans worldwide.
Luckily, we here at Anonymous Eagle are looking out for you intrepid souls that are brave enough to enter this treacherous environment. And we have compiled a list of possible topics that could be considered "microaggressions" that could potentially offend the sensibilities of any Badger fans you may encounter. So while on campus this weekend, we suggest you avoid discussing:
- The name Grayson
- Stone, Diamond, or just geology in general
- The shortcomings of Joe Krabbenhoft, both as a basketball player and as captain of U-571
- One & Dones
- The Shoe Box
- The GOOD Wesley Matthews
- Sam Okey's pharmacology major
- Comparing the NBA careers of Dwyane Wade and Devin Harris (HA! Remember when that was a thing??? I mean.... um.... this is a serious topic that deserves our thoughtful discussion)
- The idea that redshirting perfectly healthy college basketball players is completely insane.
In 14 seasons with Bo Ryan at the helm, a whopping 24 players have redshirted at Wisconsin for various reasons. Seventeen have done so voluntarily (not because of an injury, illness or transfer rules) to simply to maximize their playing time down the line. The number of total redshirts has gone up dramatically in recent years, with 12 taken in the last four seasons alone- B5Q 11/18/14
- Players with "swagger".
- The Brad Soderberg Era
- The 2011 Rose Bowl, the letters T, C, and U in any combination, even the color purple (the actual color, not the Whoopi Goldberg movie. Though, now that I think about it, you may want to steer clear of the film too... just to be safe).
- The incomprehensible street planning of the City of Madison
- Suggesting that Bo Ryan may want to mix in a zone every now and then
- The number 59, particularly in relationship to the number 0.
- The basketball career of Evan Anderson, after his sophomore year of high school
- Steph Curry
And lastly folks, if you remember nothing else we've said here, remember this: Do not, under any circumstances let it be known that you believe that a foul called against the Badgers was called correctly. The Badgers do not foul... EVER. And if you let on that you feel otherwise, there's no telling what might become of you.
So keep this important lesson in mind, and you might just be able to get in and out of there without totally stepping in it. If you choose to ignore these warnings, then don't be surprised if you wind up with a bunch of Grateful Reds on your front lawn, holding placards and playing bongos, while they denounce you all across the interwebs with a #RedFansMatter campaign. Proceed cautiously my friends.