Per the Marquette Men’s Basketball Twitter page, there will be a concert during Marquette Madness. That concert will be performed by B.o.B., the rapper commonly mistaken for the Outkast song that also happens to be a way superior Atlanta rap influence than his 10 years of artistry combined.
It’s great that the school is trying new things to ramp up the night. Sure nothing will ever beat John Calipari’s speech at his inaugural Big Blue Madness that makes me want to chug a barrel of gasoline and punch the Arc de Triomphe until my knuckles bleed, but I applaud the effort. It’s just....why B.o.B.? I get that the school isn’t going to send a golden calf to reunite One Direction, but if you’re going to invite a washed up rapper then at least do us the courtesy of bringing Soulja Boy. B.o.B. just looks like that kid from your local prep high school whose older brothers went on to become doctors but he decides to cut class and skateboard all day.
Let’s go through his “recent” hits:
-HeadBand. Released in 2013. Honestly still a banger in part because of 2Chainz’ line, “Chain hang to my dingaling”
-Strange Clouds. Released in 2012. It features Lil Wayne, but it’s also after he decided to put out a rock album for some reason. On the album it appears on (also titled Strange Clouds), the song comes right after one featuring Taylor Swift and yes it’s as weird as you think
-Other than that, his “B.o.B. Presents: The Adventures of Bobby Ray” album that took over the world for a summer is all he has. Don’t get me wrong, the Hayley Williams channels her inner Etta James on the Airplanes chorus, but Matt Heldt was but a mere Milkboy when this came out.
-One more thing. He has released 2 albums this year. TWO! Plus another one last year. And ANOTHER one in 2016. Guess how many songs are in that 2016 album. Wrong. It’s 38. The whole album last TWO HOURS AND 43 MINUTES. Matt Painter takes less time to fix his hair in the morning. Good lord.
Honestly, this announcement would be shoving suppressed nostalgia down my throat had B.o.B. not been in the news recently. A couple years ago, he came out as a flat earther. That means he thinks Earth is flat. We can have some fun with this.
I want as many signs addressing the issue as possible. I’ll leave the creativity up to the students; I’m not gonna go all Bill Simmons Suggesting Chants on you. Send us pictures. Let’s make this thing memorable.